[[*Endless Road_______Endless Journey]]*

Thursday, March 5, 2009

[[Talking rubbish =/]]

Hehe looks like the ling-chan and carrot are damn hyper bout the jap karaoke-ing.
I really wonder if i can sing in front of others. It's been too long... >.<

Yea i got sing in front of a large audience before.
But tat's like in pri 1, when im damn enthu to sing.
The audience even clap for me.. but now i felt like bashing my head. =S

Still got sum of me pops' relatives ask me to sing one..
Srry lah eh, now got stage fright ahahax.

Well in case susu's wondering whu's toma and yamapi.
Here is da photo Woot! Carrot's turn to kill me!!!! XDD
She dun like yamapi a lot 1... x_x
Okiez introducing tiz duo!

From left: Toma, Yamapi

So karo's nickname is Tomato while ling-chan's nick is Yamama. =DD
But karo, toma noe yamapi for 11 years leh.

Bez of buddies

U muz learn to accept yamapi one day! Wahaha
They damn close lor, juz like tomato and yamama hehe

So for more info go to
http://sparkasia.wordpress.com/2008/07/25/bestfriends-ikuta-toma-and-yamapi/

I give up reading halfway.. Got more pics there also

Hehe by carrot and wan ton mee, they always call me nodame. Gyaboo!~

Chiaki & Nodame

They're always reminded of nodame when hanging out with me! XDD

Susu, if u find them familiar it's coz...
Yamapi in nobuta wo produce. (got watch one ep with ya)
Toma is from hana kimi. (hehe the drama tat we're so crazy bout)
Nodame is from nodame cantabile. (i got recommend b4! Dunno if u watch =/)

So they always tell me chiaki's my lover.
But nopez no feelings for him either! Gomen. XD

Hehe but i noe Susu was crazy for tiz fella during the hana kimi airing eps!

Presenting...

Shirota yuu

But i dun like him too, coz he look scary...
Waaaahhhh!!! Kuwaii yo! T_T
I used the cat pic to lessen his scariness.

Hmm, i have a feeling tat my complex is still here. I think im scared of handsome guys! XD

My favorite chara was the ghost guy during the hana kimi craze.

Pardon me but im lazy to search for his name. XDD

Dad's signing da family up for a walk on 28th march.

He noes i love outdoors too much!!
And well it's free so tats our family outing for hols! XDD
But im realli worried if my mom & dad are up for it..
Also, if lil bro has enough hyperness to go tat far.

The walking trails is estimated to be 4.8km long and we're supposed to walk for 2 hours.. =/
From harbour front to alexandra zone.. near buano vista?? ._.

Reiterating my childhood bad events.
Lol i normally forget them but i guess i should record.
So i could see the life events i crossed over.. =DD

Last saturday, my grandma has told me lotsa stuff i didnt noe about b4.
Talked from 12 am to like 4.30 am. Convo is juz between grandma and me.

And im kinda shocked and personally, im scared of the unfolding events before me.
Im brave enough to deal tiz responsibly but feels like life has been really too weird for me all tiz time.
There's too much turning points, too many villains.
Why has reality turn rpg? Sad tat it's not a fantasy one.

Life definitely has irony in store for everyone so long as the wheel of fate keep turning;
Spinning the destinies of souls, intertwining or severing them, all fates are weaved into the fabric of time.
We exist no matter how small or insignificant we are.

Is tat the reason why ppl blamed life for the unfairness?
Why arent u direct enough, juz pin point to God and start blaming.
I did tat once but yar, its bad. So dun blame God for too long. XD

Juz remember every turn of fate has its purpose. Life gives good and bad irony.
But always in Literature, bad ones are always being portrayed rite? XDD
Why moan for the the bad ironies in life and choose those events to grieve?
Future is still there, and wat it brings is change.

Look aaaaaaatttt the briiiiiiiiight side of life *tries to whistles and fails* =D

After all the stories of the true past from my grandma, I understood it all.
But grandma forbid me from telling my mom .
I realised, the downturn is retribution we deserved.
My life has transformed to be one of those fable stories. =_=

Haha sumwat i feel like pursuing wealth so as to change everything.
From the past, i did wish to donate and help.
Now i feel like if im rich,
it's a must to do good deeds with money.
To overturn the tide of bad luck.
I want to rerun the the times when we're rich & rectify wat i could before its too late.
For mom & dad's sake.
I mean when dad's rich, dad's wasnt a charitable person. Even to me and mom.
He was kindest to Fian.

I also suffered from a complex then.
Keep on thinking how unfair pops & mom is treating Fian.
They never caned him, pampered him with games and
never scold him for the things i used to get scolded of.
They were more loving to him.
I was an ugly sister till i realised well i also love Fian also wat.
It's good tat he has a better life than mine.

I was emo in sec 2-3 time coz i realised that my existence in the past was a burden to mom.
Arranged marriage mah. Then she conceived me during honeymoon time.

Everytime scold me when i reprimand Fian, "saying u dunno how painful it is to give birth"
Tat's it, I was given birth thru C-section while Fian is naturally given birth.
One difference.
For her, marrying to a rich whu's like 20 years older than her while she had a lover.
Definitely, a nightmare for anyone.
My uncle was the one whu forced her as he disapproved of her lover.

From c-section, she has an ugly scar.
So i figured, in the past, seeing me, caused her to condem her life too.
So when i got emo, i always think tat imma insignificant. I didn't belong here and stuff.
Mom always said tat if she dun have children, she wouldn't have to leave grandma all alone at msia.
Constantly, felt tat i was to be blamed. I thought, in the fiz place, i shouldn't be alive.
C-section coz they find that my respiratory rate was decreasing. All thanx to modern medicine, i am living.

When i was 1 to 5 years old, it was my darkest moments of me childhood.
I was scolded everyday.
I remember being caned or belted a lot of times, hide underneath the table when my mom tried to beat me with an umbrella.
The thing is each time i dunno why i was scolded.

Grandma told me she pitied me so she would always come to visit mom for me.
But mom doesn't like grandma visiting her coz of stopping her from scolding me.
Grandma: Bila mak kau marah, selalu nampak kau ngangis sampai mengigil-gigil
At tat point of convo, i cried. I felt scared of me mom all over again.

I told grandma that I remembered a childhood memory, i was crying at the staircase.
Thinking, "why am i so alone?", my kid self cried even more as those words assaulted me with sudden pain.

Tat memory always made me depressed during sec 2-3. XD

One traumatic memory, she threatened me tat she leave me forever,
i tried stopping her from going out but she still went out.
I was too short to open the gate. So spent hours shouting "Mom, mom".
As a kid, I really believed she was gone tat time. Cried till im exhausted
I was still at the door when she came back.

Hehe, susu noes that i have quite a dark childhood.
I remembered bringing susu for the fiz time to my house.
Nidda ask $2 for lunch. My house was super near to school mah.
She started scolding me saying i should have bring extra money for school and all.
Did feel pai seh kena scolded in front of friend but orh well, tat's mom.
Susu even commented why my mom like tat. Wonder if susu remembers. XD
U noe, they allowed Fian to hold a few hundreds with him. Even american $100 note.
Fian had da 'money collector' mode tat time.
So yupz, coz of tat, i felt hurt lol.

I managed to get over the depression in sec 3.
Yea, thanx to my mental power, always came in handy! =D

Had other dark memories too last time.
Pri 1 was damn scared of people although most of em are same age..
So used to being alone and when see a lot of ppl, i got scared? =_=

Pri 3, had one hell of an English teacher. Tat time mom was working.
Maid always order me to play with Fian at the playground.
Being an airhead like me, I always forgets my homework. And thus, received all sorts of punishment.

Always forced to stayback in recess, sit outside the classroom the teacher teach.
But well, i enjoyed staring at the clouds. =)
She realised it's not working, so she forced me to write lines. "I will not forget my homework" 1 foolscape full always.
Then she tried beating my palms with a ruler in front of class.
And one time she went ballistic, she tore my worksheet in front of class & demand me to hand it up next week.
Yu jie at fiz wanted to give her worksheet to me but cher stopped her with a death glare.
But well she manage to sneakily pass it to me later & i got Pops to photocopy it for me.
Tat time also, Atisya who sat beside me. Befriended me fiz then hated the very sight of me later.
always telling me tat i was annoying. Even called me to say, "Dun call me ever again."
I was thinking why, why, why?

Being used by Atisya's gang in pri 4.
When one fights with the other 2, the victim wil come find me.
Once resolved, they will ostracise me.

Luckily i sat beside Gulabi at the second sem. She was also a loner then.
And she was the first nicest friend!

Ct helped me to trust ppl again by befriending me in pri 5.
Although, i remembered telling her dun be so close to me, i dun trust ppl.
Well she clung to me like a leech.. =DD
So thanx to ct also, I managed to heal from all those events hehe.

But in tiz world, guess being a charitable person could be extremely damaging.
Syndicates using ppl to beg. Tat point is greatly emphasized in the Slumdog Millionaire.
Good donors/helpers tend to give up when they see they're being used or they felt like they receiving lesser support than they deserved.
So good ppl are becoming extinct.
Am i going to subject myself to tat sorta pain? Hmm... =/

[[Walking Alone On This Endless Road]]*|7:38 AM|

[[The Walker]]

Name: Mars
Bdae: 11-12-1990
Nicks: Nodame & many more haha
Skool: None! :P

[[My Adores]]

Food: All kinds of tasty food cept halal pork
Drinks: Milk tea, Coffee, all sorts of tea.. But the best is still Newater :X
Pastimes: Music, Drama & People
People: Erm hang out with Piano, susu, ct, modoki & mokona

[[My Detests]]

People: used to hate all men cept my brothers hahah. Now im enlighthened! X)
Things: POOP! Snails *shiver*
Food: Chaltar food.. Culprit is always me >.<

[[Music's Playing]]

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

[[My History]]

[[The Conversations]]

[[my stars]]